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Just who is this not-so-merry band o' ne'er-do-wells, you ask?

This is Hank.

He's our manager.

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Vlad, our main vocalist. Because of an obscure mental disorder, he cannot stop screaming unless someone covers his mouth. So we just take our hands away when we want him to scream, and it works out all right.

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Phil is from the Orient. As an ascetic monk and mystic, he provides much inspiration. He claims that sometimes he can hear God playing the kazoo, and he makes careful mental notes of the melodies for future use.

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Suzanne is a ferret. The band would be nothing without her theatrical flair.

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I don't know this band member's name, as he or she is A.) a chicken and B.) still a fetus, and so cannot speak. However, he or she provides a much needed youthfulness, a "hipness" one might say, that we otherwise lack. Mainly plays bass.

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Terrence, our drummer. He also makes the coffee and does the website.

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And then there's lil' ol' me. I just do whatever Suzanne tells me to, mostly. (I guess I'm kind of a groupie.)

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Anyone who wants to join the band, just email me for an application form. (I'll also need a pint of your blood.)

The Mute Eunuchs are currently on tour of the Casino Circuit. I should clarify: we tour wherever the gambling's good, and mainly then book shows in nearby VFW's, nursing homes, and Bar mitzvahs. Look for us in your neighborhood soon. (We drive a pink Winnebago with Christmas lights on the sides; if you're uncertain whether it's our pink illuminated Winnebago or not, look for the bumper stickers "I BREAK FOR ROADKILL" and "HONK IF YOU'RE A THREE-FOOT-TALL CANNIBAL."